A Little Change Never Hurt Anyone

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me how much my life was going to change after having Blake, coupled with a dollar for every time since that I've been asked how much it has changed, then I can promise you the brown fall riding boots I've been eyeing for several months now would be resting comfortably in my closet. But alas, no dollars were exchanged and as such there are no riding boots in my closet. 

Yes, life is different. Totally different. Lots of changes were expected. I sleep less, shower whenever I can, make every effort to get my workouts in at 5 (in the am, people), eat one handed, and often smell at least mildly of spit up. Those were all things to be expected. 

Then there were things that I expected, but not to the degree that I have experienced them. I knew I would love her, a lot. I didn't know that her cries could make me physically ache. I knew I would be protective. I didn't know that I would contemplate skipping a Coldplay concert so I wouldn't have to leave her for an evening. Yes, I figured milestones would be exciting. I did not know that watching her roll over for the first time would make watching Michael Phelps at the Olympics almost forgetable. 

And then, of course, there are the things you can't quite possibly prepare for. The lack of caring over the realization that your needs no longer come first, or the weight that comes with the responsibility of raising her. The complete and total joy to be had in every single smile and laugh and coo. Moments of frustration and fear. Total exhaustion. Some days it's harder than we ever imagined. Other days feel like a walk in the park. But I would still take a hard day with Blake over an easy one without her.  

Adios, Cole.

I'm not a fan of goodbye's. At all. In fact, they might be my very least favorite thing. They rank somewhere below dentist appointments. Seriously. Not. A. Fan.

So this past Sunday wasn't my favorite day of the summer because we had to say goodbye to our friend, Cole. For the past several weeks he's taken up residence in our extra bedroom while he worked for the summer with Griff. 

If you know me you know there are few things I love more than a full house or a full dinner table. Every bedroom occupied. Every chair filled. It's the best. And Cole is family. Perhaps not in the literal sense but who really wants to be that nit picky? 

We actually got quite a bit accomplished during his stay. I tried some new recipes. (Eggplant is not a crowd pleaser. Grilled chicken with honey mustard dressing is.) It may have been established that caucasian men might not be the best candidates for certain hair styles. But if you ever do find yourself with a head full of wax palmolive does the trick. We laughed. A lot. I think we even solved a few of life's bigger problems. 

And then on Sunday it was time for him to pack up his stuff and head back home. The house was too quiet. The table was too empty. But all good things must come to an end, right? I don't really see why but that's neither here nor there. 

Thanks for a great summer Cole. We miss you. Don't forget that there's always a place at our table and room down the hall. 

What I Did Today

Today I held Blake while she slept. I did not finish the laundry, or get a jumpstart on dinner. I did not text or return phone calls. I did not finish the book I am reading (and loving). I held Blake while she slept. 

I did this because I'm certain there is going to come a day when I really, really want to hold her and won't be able to. She'll be too old. Or at school. Or with friends. From what I've heard, when this day comes I probably won't remember exactly what phone calls didn't get returned. Or what dinner didn't get prepared ahead of time. Or even what book didn't get finished.

But I will look back on this day and remember that I held her when I could. I will remember what it felt like to hold her tiny, sleeping body while whispering how much she is loved. 

I'm sure there is some book that warns about exactly this type of situation and the bad sleeping habits it breeds. In fact it's probably on a bookshelf in this very house. But rules annoy me so it can stay on the shelf, and I'll go back to holding my baby while she sleeps.